Musings

I sat by the window sill and as the lazy rains poured down. With a cup of freshly brewed coffee and your favourite music playing in the background, I made one more attempt to let the rains wash away all those memories...

But these lil drops of happiness were bringing a smile as I thought of a similar day when we took a walk down the beachside, your presence making me feel warm in the chilly breeze after that light shower ....

I recalled all we spoke about during that hour, every word etched in my head like it were carved on stone. How you confessed that your secret admirer had made one more attempt to make herself known. Not giving you much more than a lil' clue, a CD. With all your favourite songs on it. Each one handpicked, like she knew you inside out. With that puzzled look you asked me, "Why won't she make herself known? After all what's to loose?"

So I told you that maybe she'd much rather admire you from a distance than make herself known. And set herself miles apart from you. And he asked "why would I do that to her? From what I see she seems so caring and sweet. I don't think I would have a reason ... "

And I thought, she knows the reason too. You don't Love her. And she knows she will never be able to change that.She's tried. When you were feeling down, she would make every attempt to cheer you up. Not seizing one opportunity. When you had a reason to celebrate she would make sure nothing would ruin that happy moment. And when she thought you just wanted to know that your presence made a difference she'd give you a warm hug to make your day ....

And now after all those failed attempts she knows that it all makes sense coz Love was never meant to be selfish and whoever said Love if not two sided is unsuccessful was only looking at it with a myopic perspective. Coz Love is selfless and pure ... It's not a debt that's meant to be returned ...

And as you and I sat down to gaze at the sunset you sid to me with that lil twinkle in your eyes "I am a lil worried. I like these sweet jestures of my secret admirer, but I dont know if she is spoiling me .. by giving me so much attention. Then again I guess I will never miss it. Coz the lady who will put a ring on this finger tomorrow will do the same. Give me the love I never had. " "And then I've got you babe .. my best friend"

I took another sip of the coffee and while I continued to watch the rain pour down. The song played on " Wherever you go whatever you do I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks I will be right here waiting for you ."