Dedicated to that smile

This is what I dedicate. Dedicate to that smile.
That was not just a gesture. That stayed on, on your face for a while.

That I first saw when I noticed you watching me from the corner of your eye.
That I almost immediately fell for when you flashed at me when that day we said goodbye.

It was about a bright sunny noon, when the April sun was cruel.
We sat by each others side like strangers and yet like friends breaking every rule.
And in sometime, we just knew. That the journey would take us askew.

It was because of that innocent smile. That was on my lips for a while.

And that evening, we said goodbye, we walked away towards the road would lead us from here.
But then you turned around and so did I. Our gazes met and there came on that sheepish smile.

That smile on your face that said this was meant to be. A new chapter in my book of destiny.

And now when we sit by the sea and watch the moon rise. I let you hold my hand and feel your smile.
I carved that moment in my head, for this day to write a few beautiful words that I would dedicate to it.

The Healing

Last night I dreamt again. I was in a field of sunflowers. The early morning rays of sun were kissing its cheeks. As I walked through the field I felt them smiling at me, letting me feel its color and breathe in its beauty. Like a little girl, I felt them embrace me. And I wished, I could sit there until time turned around.

In a flash I felt like I had travelled miles. When the fog disappeared, I found myself waking up in at a cottage at the top of a hill. And as I rolled away the quilt, my feet touched the cold wood beneath tickling me, forcing me to bring on a smile. I opened the window to a picturesque view of a snow-capped peak, the greens and wildflowers creating a contrast of colors that a famous painter must have once captured into his masterpiece.

And in a flash, I was transported to another scene. This time I was sitting by the sea-shore. Where I sat on the sand, the moonlight and a million stars shone down on me. In the warmth of the sand, the waves would come to my feet and gently tease me, luring me to play with it. The horizon seemed to be glistening in the moonlight, radiating a spirit that I captured in a poetry.

But then I woke up to reality. In my night's dream, I let nature heal the wounds that were soaring. Taking all the hurt away.

I realized this is what I wanted for a long time. I'd come back from summer holiday of my dreams.

Guardian Angel

She was surprised. In fact, shocked. It was happening to her one more time ...

For a long time she felt that every door of opportunity was closing on her. But suddenly a wave of positivity was surging in. For now, when one door shut her out, many others would open.

She considered it to be a mere coincidence first, but couldn't absorb that explanation. The thought of Lady Luck smiling on her also crossed her mind, but since she didn't believe in Luck, that explanation too was discarded. So what was it then. "Was it Karma?" ... she asked her inner self ...

Her life was being driven in a new direction. She slept with a smile on her face, after having thought about the days happenings and counted her blessings. She felt like those untrodden paths were easier to walk on. Even if she were to be walking alone on the journey.

The fear of the obstacles coming in the way and separating her from her destiny would always be there. But those fears that crippled her dreams seemed to disappear. That's when she realized that it was her Guardian Angels who were making their presence felt in her life. They were the ones who were holding her hand and dissolving those fears like salt in clear water. Letting it become one with her confidence, her aspirations and her life ...

"I walked all alone with the fear of not making it to my destiny,

But now you've made your way into my life,

Sometimes like a mother, who would silence the storm and wipe those tears....

Sometimes like a father, who'd smile and let me hold his little finger and continue walking...

Sometimes like a sibling, whose presence would be enough to convince me that I have the ability to make my way, even if I was alone ...

Sometimes like a friend, who'd would call me crazy ... to worry about where I was heading .. more often demeaning their own being, to boost my spirits ...

For if it wasn't for all these, I'd be in Paradise. Wondering why I didn't do more with the blessing called life ...

You were there with me all along,

You were my Guardian Angel in Disguise ..."

Have you ever felt like this ????

Have you ever felt this way ???

You are in a situation where everything is going great ... You feel you are this is the right time and the right place ... everything about this feels right .. yet there's just one thing that can separate you from this thing you are going after ...

And that one thing doesn't have to be something big ... just something that you know would make a difference ... then you think .. maybe the impact won't be so bad .. it will surpass .. but that fear still lingers. If it's impact is bad then who would be responsible for it? and who would make sure that life, feelings, emotions, routines, relationships and everything else would still remain the same ....

That's what so many people think about when they are about to say those words

"I think this is Love... " ....

20 questions

I wonder how you do it. Every single day of the year.

Unlock the door to your house and make a quiet entry into the home you call your own ...

How do you walk into an apartment where there isn't someone to smile as you walk in. Or give you a bear hug and ask you what took you so long to get back, not coz she wanted to nag you but just coz she missed you while you where away.

How do you live that moment ??? When your favorite love song plays on the radio in the backdrop of a moonlit night and you see no one whose hand you can hold and dance in the hall. No words said, no expressions, just you and her. The music and the moment.

How do you share your laughter? When you think of some silly event that happened in the course of the day, that you felt was incredibly funny.

How do you hide a tear when you long for her? But see no one around.

And when a nightmare awakes you, disturbs you and gets you worked up, don't you look for someone you could roll across to give a warm hug and sleep peacefully?

Who pampers you when you don't find the strength to get out of bed? Weary and ill. Who wakes up in the middle of the night to help you with a warm cup of coffee?

Whom do you play your best-played tunes on the guitar to? Do you wish someone would sing along when you do and chuckle when you started to sing and deliberately sang the wrong words ?

Do you hear laughter when you sing out loud in the shower, soaping yourself and suddenly realize that the tap has run dry?

Does someone yell at you when you come back home late from a party and not so sober?

Who completes those lines, of the beautiful words that you pen down when you get a writers block?

Who sits next to you, by the candle light, when there's a power-cut on a boring evening?

Do you wish that the time stood still when someone would kiss you goodnight?

All those questions said and done,

I think I have a final one ...

HOW do You Live ALONE???????

Currently Reading

Reading books was never really a hobby until my teenage years when I started travelling from Home to college. Thankfully, being a lonely traveler (and by that I mean travelling minus a big group of 'train' friends) meant I would have a book to give me company when college friends weren't around.

These days I get completely submerged into the book .. often not realizing that I've reached home ...

So here's a Lil section where I recommend books and review those that I read ....

Currently reading:

The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks

I'm not much of a romance novel reader .. but since I loved the story of The Notebook ... I couldn't help picking up it's sequel ... Have completed just 50 pages .. and its been great ... Will write a complete review later.....

1st March 2010 .... 12.18 am .........

Considering that I had nothing else to do this weekend .. I finished reading the book ... yes .. I did stay up until 2 am wanting to read it thru the night .. but my eyes wouldn't permit me .. anyways I completed it today ... as I read the last few words I wished that there was more ..

Although I consider myself a die-hard romantic, I don't read romance novels ... but Nicholas Sparks books are something that makes my idea of romance come alive thru his characters. This story is all about how love sometimes takes second place in our busy lives. The characters, especially the main protagonist and his wife, have been crafted beautifully. Won't tell you the story, but am gonna leave behind an excerpt of the book .. some lines that moved me .... (I have the book ... so if you know me , borrow it .. will be glad to share it with you ... :)

Excerpts :

"And that's what the most wonderful feeling in the world. How many people are ever given that chance? To have someone you love fall in love with you over and over again."

"It's funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the more people take it for granted? It's like they think it won't ever change"

Me, Mua and Myself :)

" Hi! I'm ******."

"And you .... " I'm Di-ana" ...

"Didn't get that..."

I said " DI(e) ANA" ...

"Oh you mean " DI(h)Na" ....

" Yes .. but ... well it's DIANA".

" O'rite .. got that ... Di-Nah"

I just smiled back at Him politely ... and in my head I cribbed one more time about why the pro-nun-ciation of my name is sooooooooooo difficult :)

"So tell me more about you .. " I pondered on whether this conversation was worth continuing ... since I did have some time to kill I said what the heck ..

I told him about my professional life (which is just about 75% of my life :P ) .... Then came around some questions about personal life ... Careful not to give him too much detail, I mentioned a few things about home, hobbies, music (don't consider music a hobby .. it's more like the other 25% of my life or maybe more) ... And summed up my entire life in 5 lines .... All he did was shook his head (probably not following half of what I said considering the pace of my speech)

Post the conversation, (as usual) I drifted back to my thoughts ... And as I walked down the calm lanes of the town-side(what we Mumbaikars like calling this part of town) towards the train station with a lil slow rock music for company ... I wondered if my identity had summed up to just an employee of a creative house ... where was the girl who was sooooo much more than that??

Had wee(a)kdays of work taken away her ink pot of thoughts that she was put into beautiful words on paper....

Had late nights and early (not very early) mornings deflected her heart from discovering a new song that she hummed through the day ????

Had the routine life stopped her from capturing those special moments in celluloid (or in this case .. a memory card on the Digicam)

The goddess of Hunting had killed her instinct to live life to the fullest ...

So never mind this realization 1 and half month post the new year ... I decided to make a resolution ... to bring back the same Di-ana .. who likes to spread the cheer ... the music and festivities ...

even on an odd day at work ... :)

Knock Knock ....

So you are walking back towards me, while I've drifted away.

You come knocking on my door again. I tell you I ain't sure I can let you back into my life...

For years I wished you would be here and you would make a lil appearance and then disappear. Like dew drops on a maple leaf on a summer morning.

So many nights as I stayed up ... and wished for you to be by my side. All I felt was a tear on my pillow ...

I wanna let you in now, but I realize you come with your good and bad.

You promise me a lifetime of smiles, hiding away your cruel intentions.

So I ponder whether I should open the door. For you to enter my heart.

In a HeartBeat

A thousand warm sunrises,

And a million moonlit nights.

A few pleasant surprises

And a few betraying lies.

A sonnet and a song that makes you smile,

And a book of secrets that you could read for a while.

A dream that we'd seen together,

and a nightmare that we'd buried in those dark moments forever...

A childhood memory and a teenage crush,

A little teddy bear and a photograph that made you blush...

A magic trick and a finger-licking dish recipe,
A pack of cards and an old apron that was once burnt by me ...

a few guilt feelings, a few prayers,

and a lifetime of love ....

All that and everything you pack away ..... As you set out out on a new journey called Life

You walk away with a bag full of these .... I treasure the shadows ..... in a heartbeat

- Dedicated to 2 special women in my life :)